The next time you’re having a bad day, I recommend you make this dish. It’s obviously delicious, as all things barbecued tend to be, but that’s not the only thing that will cheer you up about it. Pick a day when you’re feeling particularly vengeful and frustrated, a day when you’d love nothing more than to kick a wall to release some pent up anger. Rather than hurt your foot, let out all that rage by disemboweling a cabbage.
Cabbages don’t deserve this foul treatment, but they’re the unfortunate vegetable that just so happens to be the target of this violently scrumptious recipe. Cabbage has a long and illustrious history. Prized for its hardiness and high vitamin content, this nondescript brassica has been a part of the human diet since the time of the ancient Greeks and perhaps even longer. The Greeks praised cabbage for its medicinal qualities, but were not such a fan of its very particular odor. So opposed were they to the scent of cabbage that they would not plant it near the grape vines in their vineyards for fear that a cabbage-y bouquet would later present itself in the wine. Not all cultures abhor eau de cabbage quite so much, however. The British have come up with a whole slew of cabbage based dishes with the most delightfully ridiculous names—bubble and squeak, anyone?
Barbecued cabbage, however, is a very American dish. I would recommend using cabbages slightly on the smaller side- that way you reap the benefit of more delicious spice rub per square inch of vegetable. We cooked our cabbages in the oven, but I can imagine that they would be even better on the grill. Making them is a super easy and, as I mentioned previously, cathartically vicious process. All you need is a cabbage and a knife big enough to suit your level of blood lust.
The first thing you do is take the knife and cut a sizable cavity into the bottom of the cabbage, effectively removing most of its insides. After this has been accomplished, use the same knife and stab, stab, stab away all over the surface of the cabbage, creating little puncture wounds into which the spice rub will later seep. Finally, mix up your spices with a bit of oil and rub generously all over the cabbage until it looks like a tasty, messed up jack o’lantern. Our poor abused cabbage is then popped into the oven at 350 degrees for two hours, until tender and crisped up, ready to be enjoyed at your murderous leisure.